The Art of Behavior Change
Are you ready to give up the frustration, doubt and exhaustion related to disciplining your young child?
Discover how to eliminate TANTRUMS, learn the secrets of using TIME-OUT at the RIGHT time, in the RIGHT way and give up the guesswork and the wrong-turns when parenting your passionately strong willed or ultra-sensitive or suddenly explosive or exasperatingly impulsive [but delightfully clever!] child.
If you've read the books, heard the experts and attended the seminars, and your child still does not listen to you, has meltdowns to get her way, baits you or debates with you, .and you are convinced you have “Tried it all! Nothing works”… learn to quickly retool your parenting techniques to be THE right fit for you and your child.
Non-stop nagging and power struggles are history. You regain your energy and your peace of mind AND a sense of control over your child’s behavior….without taking away your child’s unique individuality. AND you and your child are thrilled with how those changes feel.
Our work is not about what is wrong with your child.
It is not about what is wrong with you as a parent.
Our work is about understanding the specific steps that help your child to develop his great potential and the parenting skills that help you get him there.
Best of all – you will not be going it alone! I will be on-call to help you STOP behavior problems in their tracks!
I have seen repeatedly how parents are on the right track with many good strategies but their techniques do not result in any lasting behavior change. They become more frustrated and discouraged as their child’s behavior becomes more challenging. So parents lose their resolve, let their good strategies fizzle, and resort to no-win, desperate attempts that only teach a child how to be in control of parents, for example ~
Threatening. “I will count to three – once more!” Some parents resort to yelling, withdrawing, or delivering unenforceable consequences that are not taken seriously by their child. Those negative strategies trigger endless cycles over days and years of parent and child locked in power struggles.
Parents lose confidence and enthusiasm for raising children, and they just stop being “the parent” - which leaves the door wide open for their child to behave in a way that says “Got you!” Children do not want that control, but they are NOT going to tell you that!
And when you give up and give in, you are not teaching your child self-discipline, social problem solving, healthy communication skills, self-control or how to grow up to be a happy capable adult.
What happens? Why Aren’t You Getting Results?
The answer is right in front of you. You are overlooking simple but subtle steps just beneath your radar.
Over and over, I have seen parents light up in that “Aha!” moment when they catch on to what they need to start and stop doing.
There is a lot of detail work in raising a child! And when those details are in place, your child is calmer from the sense of order and expectations you have created. Your family has more fun because you have time for it, now that you are not draining away time in struggles.
What I do is teach you the secrets of how to ~
take the guesswork and confusion out of child discipline – you will feel clear and ready with when, where and how to react to your child's misbehavior. You will know what to do and why you are doing it.
listen to your child so your child listens to you.
confidently stay at the controls – and also be confident about when you can step back, and allow your child some room to negotiate or make independent choices.
break outdated, useless habits without breaking child spirit.
Coach your child instead of commanding nagging or begging.
Get the word “No” out of your vocabulary. Replace it with words that enrich your child's growth.
help your child express feelings instead of releasing them as frustration tantrums.
use playful parenting techniques to play your way through and out of a looming problem.
help your children develop healthy social skills and life skills that takes them confidently into adulthood.
What makes my system different?
The four cornerstones to Parenting
PREPARE
PREVENT
PROMOTE
BE ON-PURPOSE.
And... you have a PARTNER
PREPARE by getting ready for action that makes change happen quickly. We identify:
- the behavior changes you want to see immediately
- a profile of your child's needs and personality. This is not a “one size fits child” program. You want to crawl inside your child’s feelings to understand and work with her individuality.
- the strategies that are working in your current behavioral approach.
- those subtle, missing steps in your current behavior program plan.
- the specific parenting skills and behavioral education you will need to fill in the missing pieces.
- visual materials and techniques for you and your child to monitor and enjoy the progress
- Creation of a Behavior Step Plan, which is your guide for knowing the first second and next steps you will take for any behavioral problem. This is just a starting point and a work in progress, as we create the steps that work for your child
- The right incentives that make your child love his new behavior choices, and take pride in making those positive choices every time.
PREVENT behavior problems by identifying:
- triggers that cause your child to slowly melt down or burst into an unforeseen tantrum.
- feelings and sensitivities that may be silent frustrations for your child.
- immediately handling triggers that cause your child to refuse to cooperate or melt down into a tantrum.
- proactive techniques that replace you or your child repeatedly saying “No”.
- positive techniques that feel rewarding to your child.
- how to keep challenges manageable for your child, not something huge to conquer.
PROMOTE your child's natural abilities and strengths. Your parenting techniques are designed to focus on what your child is doing RIGHT. You will be continuously promoting:
- your child’s love of the process of learning and cooperating
- positive behaviors by praising in ways that are powerful and meaningful to your child
- your approval of behaviors you want to become automatic habits for your child
- choices your child makes that avoid inappropriate or negative behaviors
- natural consequences, when they are necessary, that won’t feel punitive to your child
BE ON PURPOSE Before you jump in to a parenting action you need think it through and plan for the possible outcomes. You will learn to take purposeful steps to:
- Speak to your child calmly and with confidence.
- communicate with clarity that gets a quick and appropriate response
- STOP the non-stop grind of saying “No” “No” “No” again , turning those moments into learning opportunities
- create decision-making habits that are purposeful and sensible, and not emotional reactivity coming from your regretted hothead moment
- Listen! Active listening is an art and a critical communication skill. The time you give now to learning the more elusive, subtle steps for skillful listening, will pay off in wonderful, open relationships with your children, from toddler to teen.
The “5th” Cornerstone, I am your partner. Learning new parenting techniques is a tough go – in the beginning! As part of my program, I am your partner for education and coaching:
- I work with you on to create a Behavior Step Plan that is THE right fit. We apply the cornerstones and work on any behavior you want to handle right now.
- We monitor. You'll send me regular progress reports and I'll coach you to the next step.
- We evaluate, and if required, modify the plan, which may need tweaking, refining, repairing or improving. Remember the plan is fluid, a work in progress as we shape it to fit you and your child.
- we use creative, best practice methods that keep your child interested, motivated, and having fun with success.
- And you do not have to wait for next week’s appointment to trouble-shoot the issue happening NOW. I am available to you for situational coaching [we do our best work if you can reach me in the middle of the tantrum!]
- you have quick access to my coaching support, as you implement the plan.
- If you get stuck I help you figure out why.
- I will keep you as accountable as you would like me to. And I will show you where you can make life raising children easier for yourself.
- If you have to dust off and start again at any step, don't worry, I help you keep your momentum flowing... and I show you the progress you may not recognize.
- I help you help your child blossom daily with social skills, life skills and sensible behavior choices.
Your family will have more time to be playful, make warm memories, and work together.
How do I know all of this?
My first job out of college was working at a residential treatment center for kids with serious social-emotional problems. I was raring and ready to take on the challenge of teaching these kids to use their smart brains to create productive lives for themselves.
But what an eye opener! As soon as I tried to get serious about “schoolwork” they looked at me like “Who are you kidding?” From that moment, I was hooked on solving the mysteries of how to inspire each of these kids.
I went to graduate school to earn degrees in developmental psychology, adaptive instruction and behavior specialist education. However, my richest training and experience came from my roles on clinical therapy and behavioral teams. They taught me the importance of creating relationships with children and helping them learn by shining the spotlight on their strengths. I learned the specialized approaches that needed to be understood in order to nurture skills in children with diagnoses, such as Autism Spectrum Disorder, Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD and Reactive Attachment Disorder.
Over the 25 years I have specialized in behavioral psychology and education, I have seen a wonderful and important shift from the “wait and see” attitude to “early intervention”, where therapeutic services begin for children as early as one and two years of age. There is no time to waste in the life of a developing child – the early attention helps children RIGHT AWAY when the red flags are flying, the need is evident and it is early enough to make quick turn-arounds. I have seen how much harder it is for parent and professionals to undo the years of discipline problems if you wait for the child to “grow out of it”.
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As a single mother, Ellen gave me the tools to help my son transition through some of the most difficult times in his life. With her help, I have a better understanding on how to raise a child with sensitive needs. She has given me tools to raise my son now and forever. Bedtime, social skills with his peers, and separation from me and his grandparents were some of the issues that Ellen helped us to transition from meltdowns to my son’s healthy adjustment, Now he goes happily to day care and follows his routines. Shannon K. and Austin 2 ½ Colorado Springs |
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Ellen, In my progress updates I have not been writing much because Alice has been behaving and following the steps in the plan, And we’re better equipped to handle the little things that come up, thanks to you. Nothing major has happened, just normal pouting at bedtime and some angry moments, nothing out of control. Jennifer S. mother of Alice 6 years old, San Francisco CA |
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I have twin boy toddlers who, in addition to some delayed speech, joined forces to give me, their mom, some trying behavioral challenges. Ellen stepped in at just the right time. She suggested approaches to channeling their strong-willed and often defiant behavior into more positive expressions of their personalities. She was patient with the boys and was creative in adapting behavior modification methods specific for each child. L. Williams, mother of twin boy toddlers (age 2) |
Have you figured out the plan, prevention tools and positive strategies that will work best for your child's personality?
Children tend to MIS-behave in typical patterns but there are explanations that may not occur to you, and that a child cannot yet articulate. Responding to your child is something that should come from curiosity and understanding about what motivates him. The appropriate response to your child's explosive or uncooperative behavior might be best handled by cuddling, soothing, time-out, ignoring the behavior, or something different. Parents know their children well, and can usually pinpoint the problem, but it is also possible that what is triggering behaviors can be baffling and the solution can be surprising.
What is holding you back from getting started?
Some parents wait, thinking, “This will pass” or “this is just a stage” but if you feel uncomfortable about something going on with your child’s behavior, or about your own skills in handling a behavior problem, do not wait until you have an unmanageable issue with your home in turmoil. Early childhood becomes middle childhood and you wished you had taken action earlier.
Frequently there is one subtle missing piece to fit into the picture of your child’s healthy thriving development. Children thrive when they feel understood and have limits to work and play within. And together we can create that environment for your child.
What if I could tell you in one complimentary session how to make a big difference in your child’s behavior within one week?
Get started with my free strategy session.
I work with individuals, parent couples, families and children. We may work by phone, email, teleseminars, or in-person. Email me directly at ellen@ArtofBehaviorChange.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
ellen@ArtofBehaviorChange.com
719.641.1812
Toll Free 1.800.905.1152
Colorado Springs CO
Parents!